Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
