$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
