Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
