i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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