saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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