Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
