She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
