Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
