There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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