he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
