I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
