Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
