So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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