I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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