You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
