Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
