Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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