I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
