Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
