After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
