that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
