Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
