You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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