Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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