he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
