Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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