Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
