Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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