you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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