thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
