Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
