i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you win again, gameday.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
