He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry about my life...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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