the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
