Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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