We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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