New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
