well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
