My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
