Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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