So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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