whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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