We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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