out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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