It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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