i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
