so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
