I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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