the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
