Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
