Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
